If I were a boy
by sentinel10
Summary: After breaking up with Sam, Lee Clearwater tries to move on by moving back home to LaPush. And meeting Edward Cullen might just be what he needs to forget. Leah/Edward, Boy/Boy VERY AU. AH. SLASH


**I do not own Twilight**

* * *

><p><span>If I were a boy<span>

...

After the break up with Sam, Lee Clearwater tries to move on by moving back to LaPush. Meeting Edward Cullen might just be what he needs. Leah/Edward, Boy/Boy VERY AU. AH. SLASH

...

There was nothing like spending a beautiful Saturday morning, bored as bat shit and trapped in an old, musty smelling building, filled with books.

"You're such a weirdo" Jacob muttered as he slung his pencil toward my head. He pretty much always got like this when I'd compliment one of his guy friends over the fact that _all_ of them were insatiably hot, excluding _him_ of course. There was no way I could ever see Jake as one of the buff babes. Not after baby sitting him and watching him shove his finger up his nose for half his life. In all seriousness though, just looking at all the shirtless, russet skinned guys that ran their pretty little asses around the reservation made my fingers itch to feel all those heavenly muscles shift under my palms.

"You've been back three days and you're already trying to bag all of my friends" He huffed in displeasure, pouting like a big baby. And thank God. Being in Seattle felt like I was being strangled, especially commuting to and from work having to walk past the house that used to be _ours_. The house that _I_ single-handedly renovated each night after coming home tired as all shit. It was _me_ that stayed up under the light of a spotty and re-plastered each wall, re-sealed each fucking hole and lay each grey slate panel of the flooring. It wasn't just for fun. The way I saw it was that if I could lay the foundation of a proper home for us, then the foundation of our relationship would also be strong.

I wasn't well off, I didn't have countless zeros on the digits in my bank account, but I did use my trade, and the hours I put into that fucking house belonged to me and only me. Sam owed me that much.

Laughing off my thoughts bitterly, I focused back on Jacob. Adjusting the bulge in my pants caused by all the talk of naked men, I leaned back against the support of my chair, my heels digging firmly into the small wooden desk of Port Angeles Main Library.

Even though I didn't understand his need to come all the way to Port Angeles just to borrow some chemistry books, I appreciated getting away from the constant hovering of my mother who was just about ready to burst into tears over the whole break up thing. Just because I was dumped in a big pile of 'You're _not_ my happy ending', didn't mean I was going to hang myself using her brand new shower curtains. If I were to off myself I'd make it spectacular, something - _classy_. Maybe I'd burn down that big red brick town house, just so Sam couldn't enjoy the rest of his selfish life without thinking about what he'd done to me. That house was my promise. His was a cheap silver band which I still hadn't managed to throw away and cursed myself everyday for being too weak to do so.

"Listen Jakey boy and listen good" I smirked, pointing the toe of my black boots noticing they needed a shine. "The way I see it _is_ - by Sam breaking up with me, I'm free to fuck new guys, both with my eyes and with my - _charm_. I mean, look at all these guys waiting to fall in love with me, cuz. Sam can have his perfect picket fence ending, the cowardice pussy muncher"

No matter how much I thought I had loved Sam, the asshole seemed to always find the cherry to stab onto the topping of my suspicions. Not only was the small pricked son of a bitch cheating on me, he was doing the nasty with my cousin Emily. Who was - drum roll please people - a fucking _girl_.

"Hey, I take offense to that." Jacob whined as he shot me a glare. Him and his stupid feelings.

"Sorry _straighty_. I forgot you like to dine at the pussy inn" I replied, rolling my eyes as he picked up the heels of my boots and basically threw my feet off the wooden study table.

I'd forgotten how much of tool muncher Jake was and not the good kind either. He was like the goody two shoes cousin everyone hates having. Not only does he constantly make me look like a complete jerk at family barbecues, the kid pretty much wore a halo. St Jacob was the golden child, while I was LaPush's very own anti-Christ.

"Will you stop talking like _that_?" Jacob hissed gathering up his text books as his cheeks flushed. "People can hear you"

_Touchy_.

"The only people that can hear me are the ones eavesdropping"

Torturing my baby cousin was like my favorite pastime, better than any fair ride or any show my parents could have dragged me to as a kid. "You're so tense man. Maybe we should go out tonight, find you some drunken preacher's daughter that will take you home and screw your brains out. I'll even let you pick the joint."

Jacob eyed me suspiciously before nodding sharply and jerking his head as a sign we where leaving. This kid seriously thought he was boss.

"You know I can't get into those places, I'm barely nineteen"

God, my cousin was such a choir boy. Actually scrap that - Emmett, one of my ex boyfriends from back in high school had been a choir boy when he was younger and there was no way in Hell Jake could do what he could.

"Have faith in me kid. I'll get you in. Stick with me and you'll never go hungry again" I chuckled as I wrapped my arm around his neck and rough housed his hair. I knew the bouncers that stood out the front of the clubs in Port Angeles having played ball with them back in high school. And _that_ was just as good as any ID checks or name drop. The kid was definitely too uptight and needed to let all that silky hair down.

Pushing me away with a grunt, Jacob slung his back pack over his arm again so it wouldn't slip as we walked. "Isn't that from the Lion King?" He smirked as he adjusted the top button of his dress shirt which I had managed to mess up as well. "That line you just used" He ebbed when I didn't answer.

"When you have a eight year old niece who is obsessed with cats, you start to say shit _you_ don't even understand" I grumbled, pushing him back just for good measure, not wanting Jake to get the upper hand on me. Even though Jake was bigger in both height and weight, I was older, hence my birth right to push him around and torture him.

But it was true. The amount of times Sam and I had baby sat little Claire while her mother was shopping in Seattle was actually astounding. Fran really liked to shop and the way I saw it was that if I took Claire off her hands for a little while, we would get use to the idea of maybe one day having kids of our own running around the apartment.

I would have loved to have my own biological kids but without the money for an egg donor or the willingness of me getting my kit off with a woman, it was more of a pipe dream than anything.

Awkwardly, I'd been graced with my mother's genes. It wasn't bad at all, just different to the rest of my father's side of the family.

While my younger brother was bulky and shorter, I was tall and quite lean. Shit, the six pack hadn't come easy either, where as Seth seemed to have been born with one, the little frick. I'd also inherited the black hair and dark eyes from my mother's father; making me look a little more handsome than those other morons I called family. It was a gift really; my looks having landed me more one night stands in the last three months than Jacob could even poke his stick at. Even my _girl_ friends had asked for a one way ticket ride on the Lee Clearwater express train. Had I been a lot more drunk and a lot more straight I would have indulged in those little floozies ideas. Unfortunately, I was neither.

"That reminds me; Seth wanted us to go over there to help him move some of Casey's things to make room for the new baby"

"My brothers a fucking machine." I muttered in amazement, eyes widening slightly.

"They make cute kids" Jake shrugged with a small smirk on his face.

"Sure the kids are cute but have you seen that little girl when she is tried? Jake man, there are tears, snot balls, temper tantrums and biting with her ity bity teeth. Casey is the definition of evil wrapped up in one little pink ball with ribbons in its hair." I told my cousin seriously.

I'd definitely have to buy my brother - the idiot - some rubbers for Christmas. Sure he was making our mother deliriously happy but damn, the guy needed to shoot a few blanks already. Nothing against Marissa, she's a sweet heart and all, but I have my suspicions that if the Clearwater spawns grow up to be anything like my brother, we'll all be doomed.

"Yeah well, I think he's going to marry her." Jake replied noticing the frown on my face as he threw his bag into the truck and climbed into the passenger side.

"How - _predictable_" I murmured.

When I was little I knew my brother was going to have one of _those_ lives. That loving, all shinning bubble of a life where his first would be his last. Where he'd have kids and that pretty little house, the wife who laughed like a manic and made him so happy his cheeks burst. It would be unlike me who was a recently single, 26 year old, self cynical asshole who just happened to turn every relationship I had into a disappointment. I was supposed to be getting married in the spring, to Sam no less, and I was supposed to be beaming and happy and all _fucking_ sparkly.

"It's going to get better Lee" Jacob said softly, placing his hand on my shoulder in an act of comfort. See what I mean, I hate this kid.

"Thanks Jake" I smiled sadly, glancing back at the road to make sure we didn't hit one of those giant Olympic wolves my daddy always used to talk about when he drank too much Gin.

...

"You said we were moving the baby's things, not remodeling the whole fucking house" I complained as I slammed the sledge hammer against the timber awnings to watch the plaster covering it, crumble.

Seth had already planned to whole thing out. From the colour of the walls to the moulded skirting edges he laid it all out for me to look over. I'd been going to school a little while, just community college really, trying to get a handle on basic home design and the building and maintenance of houses. It dropped out long before I'd finished, a job coming up with a local construction company making me drop my books and start learning first hand.

I'd always been a physical type of guy and doing the work, building things with my hands, my mind - It felt good inside. Just knowing that I had the ability to create structures that would last long after I did, felt like I'd be leaving a kind of legacy of some sort.

"Will you shut up, you owe me anyway" My baby brother chuckled, flicking my ear for effect.

"Do it again and I'll put this hammer where the sun don't shine kid." I snapped, rubbing by ear and tucking a piece of black hair back into place.

"Your hair is getting long again. Need Marissa to cut it?" He beamed, with pearly white teeth showing all the way to his eye teeth.

Shaking my head, I eyed his less than perfect cut. The shorter-than-the-rest spots around his ears gave me the impression Stevie Wonder would have been able to give a better cut. "Hell no. No one is touching this. This ladies, is the hook" I grinned back, shifting the hammer against the wall.

Grabbing one of the multiple bands from around my wrist, I pushed my hair back enough to make a small pony tail. "See - Pretty isn't it" I laughed, watching as Seth scrunched his nose up.

"Pretty fucking stupid"

"Hey - don't be mad baby bro" I laughed, stretching my arms out. "It isn't my fault mumma had the best looking son - _first_"

"I beg to differ" Marissa smiled as she sauntered into the construction zone of the house with Casey on her hip and a bag of groceries in the other.

"That's only cause you haven't tasted _this_ baby" I motioned, lifting my shirt up to show off my very impressive pack which came with being a labourer. "Why are you wasting your time with _him_? We could run off into the sunset together Marissa. Don't give me an answer yet - _just_ - think about it" I joked, watching as Seth's angry tick flickered under his jaw.

Laughing and rolling her eyes, Marissa strolled over and kissed my cheek warmly, placing her other hand on my opposite cheek. "Welcome home Lee. How are you?"

Winking at my brother I mouthed a '_She wants me_' and almost snorted as his eye began twitching.

"Fine. How's this big brute treating you?" I asked, thumbing in the direction of an angry Seth who was holding Casey by the hand to stop her from wandering through the rumble.

"Like a princess." She replied lovingly.

"I bet."

Turning to my niece I smiled, trying to reign in my terror. "Hey cutie, how about you say hi to your uncle Lee?"

Scrunching her nose, Casey looked up at her father and frowned.

"I don't like him anymore." She told my brother before retrieving her apple and mango fruit cup from the bag and walking out of the room.

Seth's booming laughter echoed through the small room before he came over to pat me on the back. "She'll get use to you again Lee. Just give her time. She's daddy's little girl after all"

"She's more like 'Chucky', only pretty" I replied.

"Mum say's she acts just like you at that age" My brother replied punching my arm before following his ladies out.

"Hey - "I called out."What the fuck do you want me to do with this wall?"

Turning back to Jacob, I frowned as he sat on a pile of wood with his chemistry book wide open on his lap. "Are you just going to sit there or help me?"

Brushing me off, Jacob stuffed his I-Pod earphones in and continued reading his college bullshit.

"So that's how it is?" I asked, receiving a nonchalant shrug from the little fucker. "Fine" I hissed, raising my arms and pulling my sweaty shirt off to stuff it in my pocket. "Never ask a boy to do a man's job."

With a grunt I began to sledge hammer the rest of the wall out, with or without the other motherfucker's that were _supposedly_ related to me.

...

"It looks good" Seth smiled, setting the crate next to me upside down and taking a seat.

"Well it should, I actually _know_ what I'm doing" I laughed, leaning back against the only plaster left in the room and admiring the old timber joinery hidden inside the house's belly. My sweaty skin had remnants of off yellow paint chips littered on it and no doubt plaster powder accompanied it either on my back or over my black cargo shorts.

"I was thinking olive green walls" Seth sighed happily as he leant back against the wall, so both our backs where pressed against it side by side.

"You have terrible taste in colours. Go for cream walls, maybe even do a feature in your 'olive' colour. But keep it cream. Cream is classic and easy to re-paint if you decided to change the room again." I muttered shaking my head. "Once I extend the room a little, I think instead of a balcony, you should put in a sun window. It will lighten the room much better than French doors and a deck will, and let's face it, no one wants a kid to wake up in the middle of the night and accidentally fall because someone hadn't locked the doors."

"I hadn't thought of it like that"

"That's why I'm here, remember?" I huffed, dusting my hand over the top of my tied hair. "It's like a big brothers duty to build their nieces and nephews rooms when their father is clearly not of any use"

"I can do your tax return" Seth laughed, nudging my arm. "And - make one hell of a steak"

"Yeah" I huffed "I suppose you are good for something"

Silence fell around us as we looked over the room together. "I'll put black tarp up tonight to stop any moisture building up in the wood. Keep it crisp for when I fit the new plaster tomorrow"

"Lee" Seth mumbled, "I'll finish up tonight. You go home, shower, go and do what it is you young, childless guys do on a Saturday night"

"You coming?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows as I dusted off my cargos and stood. "Might be your only night off before the next devil child is born."

"Nah man" My responsible brother replied. "Marissa's back hurts from when she carried Casey and she's worried about carrying another. Stress usually contributes so I am going to put my baby to bed and help my beautiful cupcake into the bath. Who knows, maybe we'll make it twins"

Scrunching my nose I shook my head. "Please have mercy. Lady parts give me the creeps"

"Trust me brother. At first - me too" He laughed, wrapping his arm around my neck and dragging me from the room. Once we got to the front door, Seth grabbed my head and kissed my temple. "Get some rest. Relax. We'll all be here in the morning"

As I walked to the car his words didn't escape me. Seth was silently telling me that no matter what, he and my family would always be here for me. That they would never leave, that they would never break me - not like Sam had. I suppose that a happy ending was too much to ask. I'd placed all my eggs in just one basket and in the end I had suffered, not Sam. Sam had been my sun, my lover, my everything. _Now_ - now I'd just have to learn to make my way through the dark, but at least I had my family.

Of everything - at least I had that.

...

"Lee-yah Harrison Clearwater, you get out of this bed right now" Came the chirping voice of my mother as she tugged at my blanket.

Groaning, I swatted at her hand to make the nagging go away. "Five more minutes Ma" I cried, desperate to fall back into the land where it was literally raining men. Hot, tanned, muscled Quileute men to be exact. And they all worshipped me.

"You get out of this bed right now, you have a visitor." She snapped, poking me in the ankle before heading out of the room that was once my childhood bedroom.

"From the ashes we all must rise" I muttered, swiping at my eyes and brushing the hair from my face. Stumbling out of bed I managed to stagger to the bathroom without killing myself. Drinking a whole bottle of scotch on the porch the night before may have had something to do with the fucking pounding in my head that was playing a drum-line not even those southern schools could keep up with.

Grabbing the toothbrush lazily I squeezed out much more toothpaste than necessary and stuck the goo in my mouth. Brushing with one eye open I looked over myself. Break ups made people look horrible, no matter how long ago they happen. Deep black circles hung under my usually bright eyes and my hair was way too oily to be walking around with. At the rate I was going, I would probably end up looking at least forty years old by the time I got my shit together and moved out of my mother's house for the second time. The first time, of course, being with Sam.

Dropping my head against the glass faced cabinet I groaned. Me and my stupid head always had a tendency of running back to Sam. Of incorporating him in everything I thought about or did. I really needed to get laid - again. It had been four months for goodness sake, I needed to forget him already.

Washing my face with some warm water noticing I'd dribbled a little in my sleep, I slipped the wife beater off and grabbed another from the cupboard on the way down. Slipping it on before I reached the bottom of the stairs, I'd noticed I was still in my cotton boxers but thought nothing of it. Whoever was here probably already knew me anyway. Considering the shit I'd been through, this was my relaxed formal attire.

"Ma, who is it-" I hollered like a whiny baby, only to seal my lips shut when I saw a guy sitting on my mother's favourite couch in the living room. I swear I felt my eyebrows become part of my hair line as he looked over me with some kind of a sexy smirk. His top lip was thinner than his bottom, but with that sexy pout he had going on, I couldn't give a shit. Red-brown strands of hair reaching in each direction, shimmered in the morning light as he moved to stand, his eyes still hungrily moving over me.

_Holy shit, he was checking me out. Do something Clearwater, smile, flex, fucking do something_ - My mind screamed at me.

"Hey" I muttered clearing my throat. "Umm - do I know you?"

Green eyes playfully moved from my hazel orbs to my lips, to watch me closely, mock me and tease me in a way that made the cotton of my boxer's stir.

"No. You don't know me. But that is all going to change" He smirked, his fingertips dancing over his jean covered legs. "Cullen" He gestured, reaching out a hand for me to take. "Edward. Cullen"

Well fuck _me_, Edward Cullen.

* * *

><p>AN - Seriously, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just doing it...<p> 


End file.
